It seems family and specifically parents have been a big topic of conversation among my friends and family lately. "Blood is thicker than water" goes the old saying. My mom's side of the family is Italian, so I've grown up with the notion that loyalty to family is not only healthy, but expected. (Not in a Mafia-esque way, but you know. :-P) My dad's side of the family is no stranger to the significance of family either. Growing up, I looked forward to big family get-togethers, mostly because I had such a blast playing with my cousins (One of my cousins even became a best friend too. :)) and loved seeing my grandparents. There was an anticipation for the snacks, crafts, and games that awaited us every time we visited. It felt special to visit with family. I felt loved and safe with them. There is often an atmosphere of magic for kids when they are with their family.
On a related note, I believe that our culture often doesn't place a great enough emphasis on the aging population. We tend to practically discard loved ones who aren't healthy or happy, because it depresses us to be around them. It reminds us of our own immortality to watch our grandparents and parents experience numerous health problems as they grow older.
However, if we look past the ailments of those much older than us, we often find an opportunity to bond with some truly incredible people. In my experience, I always enjoyed watching my Nonna's passion for cooking for others and playing games with my grandparents. I still enjoy the company of Brandon's ever-sassy grandpa who has a wonderful sense of humor. I love the wisdom my dad often shares with me. I admire how my mom's age has allowed her to grow a sense of courage and confidence that I hope to one day exude myself. Essentially, I believe there is much to learn from family members who have "been there, done that."
I also admire the loyalty and dependability that family often provides. The cliche that they love you unconditionally is often very true. Because of this, we often feel safe and like we can be ourselves around our families. It is comforting to share so many of the same perspectives, memories, and morals.
Nowadays, I view family a little differently. Perhaps my definition of it has changed. But I also see a reoccurring issue that I feel like many people deny even exists. We tend to glorify our parents and other family members simply because of how they are related to us. Again, I'm not trying to say that family isn't a huge blessing. But these people in our families are human nonetheless.
It is wonderful to have role models. Positive parenting can lead the next generation to be more loving, accepting, and brave. Where the situation gets questionable is when someone wants to be exactly like their parents, regardless of how their parents might exhibit some unhealthy patterns. Blind admiration without evaluation of someone's actions can be destructive and even downright dangerous. While parents should be appreciated and respected, that doesn't mean that we should desire to emulate their every choice or excuse their actions regardless of consequences. When we forget that our parents are flawed, we accidentally gravitate towards a damaging viewpoint that our parents should be imitated in all ways.
As adults, we should now be able to question our family's negative decisions while simultaneously desiring to continue their positive qualities. It doesn't mean that we love them any less or that we are being too judgmental. It means that we are thinking for ourselves and becoming individuals. When we are able to stop viewing family as super heroes, we are able to admire them without putting them on a pedestal.
While I understand that there is something powerful about loving someone regardless of their choices, there is a huge difference between love and apathy (I could write a whole post on that topic, but maybe another time. :-P) If my family does something to hurt themselves or others, you better believe that I'm not just going to ignore it. Of course, I will always forgive them and always see the best in them. I want the people I love to know that I'm there for them, yet also understand that I love them enough to be honest with them. I respect myself enough to tell them the truth. I care enough to encourage them to be the best versions of themselves, even when that isn't easy.
At this point in my life, my close friends have become my family too. I often lean on them for support and advice. They sometimes know me better than I know myself. I trust that they love me unconditionally as well. I respect them regardless of imperfections and realize that their flaws are a part of who they are. I don't put them on a pedestal, and I think our friendships are stronger as a result.
Family is one of life's most incredible blessings. This gift can be enjoyed to the fullest when we respect others for who they are, while still encouraging them to grow. After all, we are all just human.
