My mind is a whirlwind right now, so forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place. This may be challenging for me to write or tough for you to read, but I think the topic is important enough to explore.
I just finished watching the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. For anyone who hasn't heard of it, the basic premise of the show is that a high school girl unexpectedly commits suicide. She has left a series of reflections via audio tapes that describe in (sometimes painful) detail the circumstances that led to her heart-breaking decision. Others in her life made choices that impacted her decision, and each one of them is given the chance to listen to the tapes. They are given the opportunity to consider how their actions could have made such a huge difference in someone else's life. The series tragically displays how sometimes it can be a long road full of many seemingly small incidents that lead someone to such despair.
13 Reasons Why does a great job remaining honest and vulnerable throughout the entire series. It does not shy away from exploring how our selfishness and negligence can truly alter the way someone else views their world around them. Some episodes were very challenging for me to watch and others still have me reflecting on mental health and connections in our world.
While the main character's decision to end her life was entirely her own, it is overly simplistic to assume that no one else played a part in her reaching the brink of hopelessness. As social creatures, our lives revolve more around interactions with others than we realize. I have certainly come to recognize how my mental health and my coping skills shift depending on who I surround myself with. Regardless of how we may want to think that our character shines through in all circumstances, our environment plays a bigger role in our behavior than we think. (I could write another post solely about that too. There have been plenty of fascinating social psychology experiments devoted to proving this notion.)
Unfortunately, we have the tendency to villainize those who experience trauma or those who commit suicide because it's easier to assume that we couldn't have done anything to stop it. It's tragic enough to see someone struggling or to have lost someone, but to consider the fact that something could have been done to prevent the tragedy feels like it's too much to bear.
Before I continue, I want to address the fact that some mental illnesses- specifically depression- can lead someone to feel such utter despair that being a good friend to them would simply not be enough to bring them back from the brink. Some depression is so evil that it requires considerable compassion, patience, therapy, and/or medication to treat. By no means am I trying to imply that you can just magically "love the depression away." Some people need serious help for their struggles, and trying to help them alleviate their suffering on your own is not logical nor wise.
However, that doesn't mean that our choices don't have consequences. Forgive me if I sound like a broken record, but I am a firm believer in the idea that we change one another. It has been my experience that positive relationships can make all the difference between someone finding themselves lost in pure darkness vs. someone seeing a glimmer of hope through the light of a loved one. The ways we choose to treat one another, the ways we prioritize our time, and the way we listen to others can make a phenomenal difference. We may not be able to stop every tragedy from occurring, but sometimes we have more power than we think. Our words and actions can make the difference between someone feeling utterly isolated and someone seeing light at the end of the tunnel.
People ask me why I try to be so caring and encouraging to others. Maybe at times I'm going through something too, but I'm not being fake. I make a deliberate effort to be there for others, because it's simple. You never know what someone is dealing with. You may not realize it, but close to 1/3 of everyone you encounter has struggled with or is struggling with some sort of mental illness. Many of us keep our heads high and others would never recognize how dark life can feel for us at times.
So what can you do for someone who's struggling with mental illness? Primarily, be present with them. Be there to listen. Ask them what they need. Remind them that you care and that you're there. Don't just try to solve their problems with cliches. I can't tell you how many times someone has told me, "cheer up!" or "don't worry!" and expected that simple advice to actually help. Recognize that it's not that easy. If it were, no one would be struggling with anxiety or depression. Even when they're seemingly unresponsive, don't stop trying. Sometimes it may not seem like they appreciate your efforts or your kindness, but they do. Chances are, if they're pushing you away, it's because they don't want their darkness to touch you. But hopefully with time, they will trust you as someone who can handle their pain, and they'll be able to be vulnerable with you. Be wary when your loved ones' behavior seems to change drastically. It could be loss of interest in activities they once cared about, irritability, a change in appetite, energy or sleep, physical pains, and of course, feeling worthless or hopeless. All these signs can show that their mental health is declining. If it gets extreme, encourage them to seek professional help. In addition to being there for others, you can support mental health organizations like Yellow Ribbon or other charity events (For example, Beavercreek High School hosts the Walk for Life every year) that help spread awareness. Ultimately, stop demonizing mental illness and see past someone's diagnosis to the person they are beneath all that. Don't decide not to reach out because you assume that someone is "fine." Mental illness or not, it can be very meaningful to be reminded that someone cares.
Until recently, it has been the cultural norm to ignore mental health concerns. It is challenging to talk about these types of struggles when we are surrounded by a culture seeking instant gratification and pleasure. Deep issues and pain tend to not fall into the realm of acceptable conversation topics. It doesn't seem appropriate to discuss the invisible monsters you're battling, so many times, they are never brought up. For many of us, you can't see that we're struggling. There are often no physical scars nor visible physical symptoms.
But whether or not you can see it, the bottom line is that everyone is fighting some sort of battle. For many people in our lives, we may be their life line. So when you choose to be kind rather than to ignore or to make fun of someone, you are making a difference. When you choose to reach out to someone or to try to understand what they're going through, you may be making a bigger impact on their life than you realize. Maybe I sound like a broken record, but I don't care. We need to think about how our actions impact others around us and strive to be the light in the darkness for others who are struggling to see it. I know I am genuinely grateful to those of you who continue to be that light for me. And if you're reading this, know that you genuinely matter to me as well.
