This has been a challenging few months. It is so easy to find ourselves falling into a trap of hopelessness and complacency. I've been trying to spend this unexpected amount of free time in a meaningful way when I can. One thing that I have been trying my best to focus on is personal growth. I've reflected about how I feel my best when I am learning or growing in some area of my life. Taking a free course on the science of well-being was both a fun challenge and a great reminder of how much better I feel on days when I am stretching my mind. Reflecting on what I've learned during the course seems like the perfect way to share what I've taken away from it and to remember the wisdom I've gained from the course in the future.
I started to include links to all the mentioned studies, but than I quickly realized it would be very time-consuming to find accessible links to them all. Plus, it started to feel like too much of a college paper searching for links to many, many journal articles. :-P Suffice it to say, the Science of Well-Being course is free on Coursera, so you can find more info there if you are interested. Or, if you're a friend reading this and you're curious about something in particular, let me know, and I'd be happy to look it up for you. :)
The Psychology and Science of Well-Being
Primarily, the class examined how our minds have a tendency to "miswant..." meaning, we tend to be overly confident that we know what will make us happy... but in reality,
we're not very good at predicting what will actually bring us joy. A perfect example is television. Who hasn't thought that vegging out and binge-watching would improve our mood? The course showed how our intuition actually fools us. Studies show that we tend to be much happier when we are engaging our minds, challenging ourselves, and finding "flow," the state where we feel so fully immersed in what we're doing that we lose track of time. Although you may lose track of time watching your favorite series, actions as simple as watching more TV actually lead you to not only have more unrealistic expectations of reality, but also, lead you to spend more money on things you regret purchasing. Another study showed that you are twice as likely to want to buy a new car simply because your neighbor has a new vehicle sitting in their driveway. And yet another showed that regardless of how much money you're making, you always think you should be making more- just because you know others have more money than you. The thing is, we get stuck thinking that whatever we have isn't enough, because we're bombarded with unrealistic comparison points and ideals that we should constantly be seeking more.
We think we'll be happier if we attain our dream job, lose enough weight, or the reach the perfect achievements
. Research shows that the perfect job doesn't exist, your ideal weight will just keep fluctuating, and the wonderful feeling you get from achievement is fleeting. In reality, only 10% of your happiness is based on circumstance. In theory, if you win the lottery, your life will only have the chance to get about 10% happier at the most. With that in mind, is happiness simply biological and completely out of our control? Only 50% of our happiness is said to be based on genetics.
It is estimated that about 40% of our happiness relies on our actions, intentions, and habits. When you think about this, that can be very empowering. You may feel out of control, but improving your happiness is more within your grasp than you think.
Not only do the things we see and the people we interact with provide us with countless reference points, but they tend to be inaccurate comparison points. We tend to assume that what we see is what we should be striving towards or comparing ourselves to. This makes it incredibly challenging to ever be satisfied with the material things you own, your job or your salary, or your appearance. Of course, I could go on and on about this, but I'm also very passionate about the impact of unrealistic body expectations on our self esteem. Once again, I was horrified to learn of multiple more studies where husbands and wives rated their spouses' photos as less attractive after viewing heavily edited photos of models. Partners (especially women) often end up reporting increased anxiety, depression, and self-doubt after viewing photos of models or even after simply knowing that their spouse looked at a photo of a model.
And once again, I was saddened to see more research about how
there is a strong correlation between the amount of time spent on social media and plummeting self esteem and increased anxiety and depression. Attempting to measure up to an unrealistic depiction of happiness, beauty or wealth is hazardous to our mental health. Studies continue to show that if you truly want to increase your happiness, it's more effective to quit social media than it is to win $100,000!
Time and time again, psychology research shows us that experiences make us so much happier than material things ever could. Anticipation of an experience alone actually boosts our happiness levels much more thinking about a purchase we intend to make or even actually attaining that item. Experiences may be fleeting, but they are dynamic. They provide us with positive memories, encourage us to be present in the moment, and foster gratitude. Plus, sharing experiences actually brings us closer with others as well. Here, the basic logic is that hearing about someone's fun story is far more entertaining than hearing about the new thing they just bought. Studies show we are more likable when we share about an experience than when we talk about the newest item we purchased.
The class delved deep into the concept of "hedonic adaptation," meaning, we get used to everything that brings us pleasure when it sticks around long enough.
In order to maintain our satisfaction with activities or things that bring us joy, a suggestion would be to not engage with them as often, to take a break from them, or to change positions of where you typically see these items. Our brains get used to things being in certain locations, so if we change these locations often enough, the theory is that they won't fade into the background. Surprisingly, a study showed that commercial breaks actually make us enjoy our favorite shows
more. With a pause, we break the hedonic adaptation cycle and come back to enjoy it more again once the break is over. Spacing out positive activities makes us happier. More variability can actually make us happier too. Breaking routine and making even just a small change can change our perspective and can increase our happiness.
On a more meaningful note than looking at how our brains respond to mere objects, given enough time, our minds even start to take the best relationships in our lives for granted. If we want to keep appreciating the people in our lives, it is so important to remind ourselves to practice gratitude, to savor time with them, or to even try a new activity together to change things up.
The silver lining here is that there are ways we can combat our minds' struggle to miswant and our tendency towards hedonic adaptation. One way is negative visualization. Similarly to the plot in "It's a Wonderful Life, " think about what would happen if you didn't have your spouse, your job, your home, etc. Consider, what would happen if you lost this aspect of your life that you take for granted. Chances are, in that moment, you'll remember how blessed you are.
Another way to combat the miswant of coveting what someone else has is by acknowledging when our references points are unhealthy or biased.
By making our reference points more accurate, we can focus on genuineness. Ways to do this could be to get off social media, to stop watching so much TV, or to spend more time with people who share both the good and the bad of their lives.
To find what truly brings us meaning and happiness, the course discussed how we should know our signature strengths and how to use them in different ways every day. After taking the Yale happiness assessment, I found that my top strengths were kindness, love, honesty, fairness, and social intelligence. (What am I, a Care Bear?)
Studies show that using your signature strengths increases job satisfaction, productivity, and overall happiness and fulfillment. These strengths often can be translated to a feeling of a "true calling." You don't need to take an official quiz to know what makes you unique or which values fire you up. Just journaling or talking with someone you care about will likely reveal the areas of your personality that you respect and honor the most.
What are some other ways we can consciously increase our happiness levels?
Gratitude is a big buzz word lately, but it turns out there's a reason for that.
Studies show that simply listing five things you're thankful for every day wires your mind to be happier. More powerful still, when you actively practice gratitude, you tend to worry less, to make better social connections, to take better care of yourself (exercising more, for example) and to even get sick less often. Sharing gratitude makes it even mightier. A marriage study showed that partners sharing gratitude for one another lessened their frequency of fights and improved martial satisfaction overall. A job study showed that work ethic increases by up to 50%, just by simply telling an employee that their work is valued and appreciated. Across the board, gratitude matters.
Kindness and generosity also provide us with opportunities to become happier. Studies show that those who have more motivation towards helping others are actually happier than those who consistently put themselves first. In fact, just thinking about an act of kindness instantly boosts your mood. A fascinating experiment showed that when participants were given either $5 or $20 and told to spend the money on either themselves or on a complete stranger, the participants predicted that they would be happiest if they spent $20 on themselves.
Reality showed that participants were actually far happier if they spent money on someone else, and that the amount they spent didn't matter. The experiment ran in multiple cities, countries, and even continents. Even people in critical poverty were happier caring for others rather than keeping the money for themselves.
The signification of
social connection can not be ignored either. Studies show that there are multiple connections between strong social bonds and increased levels of health and happiness. Those who are isolated tend to struggle with many more health complications. Very unhappy people spend more time alone than those who are happier. Even connections with random people make a difference in our lives. A very intriguing experiment showed that levels of enjoyment of a piece of chocolate increased significantly just by having two participants in the same room together (rather than having the participants isolated for the study), even if they could not speak or even make eye contact with one another.
Simply knowing that someone else was sharing the experience was enough to change their perspective of the experience, in this case, how the chocolate tasted. The value of social connection cannot be understated. The healthier your relationships, the happier you are.
Prioritizing free time and experiences actually leads us to becoming far happier than when we value money over leisure.Studies show that the wealthier you are, typically the less free time you tend to have. The theory seems to be that there is an "sweet spot" where you are earning enough to live comfortably, while still having enough down time to actually enjoy your life. The term "time affluence" is being used frequently to examine the important of having time for meaningful activities outside work.
Other ways we can increase our happiness are by
sleeping and exercising regularly. This wasn't as interesting to me, just because I've read a lot about this, and I've already learned a lot about the importance of both over the years. I was reminded of the study that shows that exercise alone is actually more effective combating depression than even a combination of exercise and medication! It is a cool reminder of how important it is to be active at least a few days a week for even just 30 minutes a day. It doesn't have to be a huge commitment. We can all make time 30 minutes a few times a week, and we can certainly all reap the benefits.
A final way we can increase levels of happiness (that feels more daunting to me) is by practicing
mindfulness or meditation. It is thought that our minds are wandering and are not focused on the here and now about 47% of the time. Meditation can help us make more connections with other parts of our brains and help us to focus on the present. Studies show that even when you're not meditating, your body and soul reaps the benefits of a consistent practice. By meditating, the gray matter in your brain increases, your cognition may improve, you feel an increased level of social closeness and love, and you feel happier overall.
For the final weeks of the course, we were challenged to focus on one of these areas that are said to boost happiness. It was uncomfortable at first, but I eventually leaned into my daily meditation practice. There were many days when I didn't want to or when I felt my mind wandering and getting frustrated. But there was not a single day that I wasn't glad that I took a few minutes to quiet my mind and to focus on the here and now. I continue to practice meditation. Although it's not perfect, and there are mornings when I forget, I am learning to be more self-forgiving and to keep trying.
At the beginning of the class, I took a couple happiness assessments to get a baseline measurement. At the end of the course, I retook these assessments. On both, my happiness scores went up by .5 to a full point. As the professor explained, a .5 point increase or above is significant. It was exciting to see measurable results of how the past few weeks of focusing on meditation and what I had been learning actually may have increased my happiness levels. Of course, correlation does not mean causation. But considering that not much else has been changing over those past few weeks, I am confident that my attitude of prioritizing self-care and of focusing on positivity has made this time a little more hopeful.
With all that said, life is complicated. Social comparison, diet scams, and materialism are very prevalent in our lives. It will always be challenging with the constant exposure to them. Our minds will continue to miswant and to misjudge what reality is based on inaccurate comparison points. But we can choose to focus on our actions, our intentions, and our habits. Choosing gratitude, kindness, generosity, social connection, exercise, rest, and mindfulness are all excellent ways to start. We can recognize that what we're seeing isn't always an accurate reference point. We can choose to spend time with those who are genuine and with those who share a fuller, more realistic picture of their lives. We can focus on using our signature strengths- on what makes us unique and worthy- at work, at home, and everywhere in between.
