Video Games, Anxiety & Depression

While I recognize that video games have a complicated reputation for often being too violent, immoral, and encouraging of an isolated culture, more research supports the notion that video games can actually be helpful for our mental health and socialization. They can provide us the opportunity to relax, to encourage helpful socialization, and to develop our minds (See links below). Of course, it is important to note that there are many types of games and an even larger amount of mental health differences in people as individuals. I am not attempting to say that I think all video games are so wonderful that they should be played regardless of age, mental state, game subject content, etc. Like so many things, it is a complicated issue, and many factors impact how positively games may impact an individual. I am merely speaking from personal experience. 

Honestly, how many of us can say that we couldn't use a little more time to fully immerse ourselves in something outside of all our worries and negativity? For me, it is extremely rare that I am able to totally focus my attention away from life's many obligations.  With my anxious and depressed thoughts, I typically find myself struggling to cancel out the background track of worries and despairs that is constantly playing in the foreground of my mind. At times it feels impossible to forget about all the fears and obligations swirling around in my thoughts. But when the story in a game is engaging, I can often find myself more focused outside of myself than I am able to be with other hobbies. For the while I am playing, I am capable of fully engaging in something else so that I can actually recharge. That break is sorely needed at times, and I am thankful that I am able to unplug for a while. 

Besides improving my memory, spacial perception, and problem-solving skills (See links below), video games often provide me with the opportunity to tackle my fears of pressure. Similar to many others who battle depression or anxiety, I recognize that I put way too much pressure on myself. I tend to freeze up under time constraints or when I am not sure how to solve a problem. I am so terrified of making the wrong decision that I often become crippled by fears. Many games encourage me to let go of some of that pressure, since it is only a game after all. In that setting, I am reminded that I don't need to take everything so seriously or to be paralyzed by an unreachable desire for perfection.

Seeing progress is also very satisfying. I often fear I am stagnant in many areas of my life. Actually being able to track progress in a game is something we can not do with numerous aspects of the real world. It is often uplifting to me to see how far I have come in many games... and to remind myself of how that truth translates into my life as well. 

On a related note, games help me to feel more connected with those around me. Being able to play with a friend or even to just discuss it with someone is a great way to bond. It becomes a shared experience, whether you connect with an online community or with someone in person. Games with stories often present morals and plot lines that can be discussed. Similar to movies, this type of media allows us the chance to reflect on how the world around us relates to the presented moral. 

With the right games, I find myself feeling more hopeful. Splashes of history intrigue me to learn more about the past. I feel adventurous and am reminded of how there is so much to explore and experience in this world. Various game settings inspire me to travel and to learn more about the world's vast array of cultures. Knowing that there is so much left to experience allows me to feel hope when I am having a dark day. 

Most significantly, my favorite video games provide me with a sense of empowerment. I can't tell you how many times I have felt utterly hopeless (and may have accidentally thrown the controller) during frustrating points. I have considered quitting certain games because I didn't know what else to do besides gives up. Consequently, there have been many times I have asked Brandon for guidance or recognized that I needed a break so that I could allow the frustration to dissipate. But I have always persevered. 

One of my biggest struggles is with negative self-talk. Typically for most of my life's biggest issues, I find myself telling myself that I can't do something or that I'll never be able to overcome what lies before me. More often than I care to admit, I end up giving up before I have fully given myself a real chance of success. I often don't believe that I'm capable of something until I prove the anxious thoughts wrong.  That feeling when I finally conquer what feels insurmountable is pure pride.  Challenges push us to do what we don't think is possible. For me, sometimes video games remind me that when I don't give up, I can overcome more than I think I can. 

Further Reading:

http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/11/video-games.aspx

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201502/cognitive-benefits-playing-video-games

https://my.vanderbilt.edu/developmentalpsychologyblog/2014/04/effect-of-video-games-on-child-development/

A Valentine's Day Reflection

You matter. You impact someone's life. Don't let your mind tell your otherwise.

Lately I find myself feeling depressed and more than a little hopeless at times. I know some of my friends don't get it, because I often seem very positive and happy. And I try to be! But I also struggle with feelings of doubt. This time of year will do that to me. It's not uncommon to question my purpose here or to feel like my attempts to make a difference don't add up to much.

But the past couple days I've been reminded that the little things matter. Caring matters. Compassion matters. Listening matters. Generosity matters. Reaching out or inviting someone matters. Honesty and making that vulnerable Facebook post matters. As cheesy as it sounds, we touch each others' lives in way we don't even recognize sometimes. Just because we don't always see the results right away, that doesn't mean that we aren't making a difference. Especially mentoring with our Little Brother lately, I've been opening my eyes to see how the little things add up to mean a lot more than I expect they would.

We all have days when we feel alone and helpless, but we should not stay discouraged for long. We are all here for our own unique purpose. We all have talents and parts of ourselves that we should share. Because no one else can be you. Because no one else will fill your void. Because it matters.

So call that person you're missing. Send that text you've been wanting to send. Be kind. Be emphatic. Show you care in ways that feel genuine to you. What better day to make an effort than Valentine's Day? ;)

And for what it's worth, I am always here if you need a friend or honestly just want someone to talk to. Life is too short to not genuinely connect with the awesome people in our lives. Happy Valentine's Day. <3

Creativity and a Goodbye to my Cobalt

I've recently been thinking about how sometimes setting restrictions for projects can actually create more opportunities to be creative. It sounds counter-intuitive, but limitations can actually bring out interesting brainstorms and problem-solving. For instance, attempting to write a Shakespearean sonnet may involve more rules, but it also encourages us to be clever with our words in order to fit a specific pattern. It is a different kind of creativity than a free-form poem, no doubt, but which is more impressive? I can see arguments both ways, and quite honestly, I tend to admire the talent that it takes for both. 

As I keep admitting, I tend to put way too much pressure on myself to fit certain molds. Originally, I wanted to have a cohesive blog theme, where I followed some sort of organized agenda for what I wanted to write every month. But I quickly recognized that I wasn't excited about writing when I felt like I was forcing a topic or like I had a strict deadline for completing what I wanted to write. I enjoy writing vulnerable pieces that encourage others to not feel alone. I enjoy trying to provoke a dialogue or to get others to consider a new thought. 

But I also don't want to restrict myself from pursuing ideas that may not be as deep as others. Sometimes we don't have a lot of time to devote to huge, serious projects. Sometimes creativity can be kindled in small, every-day choices that honestly don't need to turn into big projects. That doesn't mean that they can't be fun or still stretch our minds. Perhaps if we listen, we know what type of project best suits us at any given time. 

Working with kids, I've often been impressed by how creative young minds can be, especially when they are in their early elementary years. They are so uninhibited by pressure, time restraints, or how ridiculous an idea sounds, that they are not hindered by wondering if something is worthwhile to think about. They brainstorm freely and openly, and with no shame. Regardless of what many people think of me, I often think I'd be better off if my mind were more open like a child's! 

With that said, what better way to start the new year than with a playful poem to memorialize my first and only car I've ever driven? :-P 

To My Cobalt

You were my freedom when I wanted to get away

Now you're 11 years old and there's so much to say! 

Long commutes to school were certainly not the best

But thankfully your reliability always passed the test! 

So many times squished in a car filled with at least four or five

But it was worth it for how drives helped friendships to thrive!

So many memories of heart-to-hearts on road trips with friends

Even that one drive from Cedar Point when a bird's life I did end!

Singing along to the radio with windows down

Sometimes driving nowhere in particular, around and around

Stains from spills- some made by the kids that I care for

All the good memories that make my heart sore

Cuddling in the backseat at the end of a Backstreet Boys show, 

 Where I held Brandon's hand and our relationship began to grow.
Even the broken glove compartment for someone to repair
Helped me to see he was someone beyond compare!

Now that your "check engine" light is finally alight, 

I fear that it is almost time to bid you goodnight. 

I'll always remember the adventures and how you made me feel free

You'll never be replaced in my heart- even if we're getting a CR-V