This may be another obvious reflection, but I am pushing myself to stop worrying so much about that. I am writing this primarily for my own self-processing. And besides, you never know when someone may need to be reminded of a powerful truth, simple though it may be. ;)
Sometimes when I'm making big (or often small) decisions, my anxious thoughts tend to attach themselves to an insatiable desire to find the perfect timing, or the perfect circumstances, or sometimes the perfect sign from God. And while it would be very comforting to have total confidence every time I made a decision, I am realizing more and more how this mentality can stop me from fully living.
That sounds dramatic, I realize. But how many of us are paralyzed because we are waiting on the right timing or circumstances? "I'll go back to school when I have more time." "I'll try that new hobby when I have more money or freedom." "I'll take that trip when I have my dream job." "I'll tell him how I feel when I know he likes me." "I'll be happy with myself when I have the perfect boyfriend, job, house, etc." We're so obsessed with perfection or ideal circumstances that we continue to neglect pursuing something that would bring our lives so much joy.
We all fall into this trap at times. We're so consumed by meeting certain goals before pursuing something else that may make us happy... and then we lose sight of the fact that happiness is a journey.
We are each a work in progress, and we'll never be fully "complete" in this life. Allowing our goals to inspire us is wonderful. But we will and should always have goals. If we're waiting for some perfect end game before we take action, we will never seize opportunities that are right in front of us. We will miss out on the growth and joy that could be occurring right here and now.
In my own life, I recognize that I very frequently don't do something because it doesn't feel like the timing is ideal. I get caught up in my feelings of doubt and fear of breaking outside how I think something should be. I analyze and wonder and predict when the "best" circumstances will be. But the truth is, those obvious "best circumstances" very rarely happen. And that's because life is way messier and less predictable than my obsessive mind wishes it was. ;)
For me, it all goes back to my previous post about change and priorities. I want to stop allowing myself to be petrified by the idea of waiting for the perfect moment, especially when I'm using that was an excuse to not take chances. And even in my every day life, I want to be more bold when it comes to taking small risks, even when it comes to the little things. If I feel like reaching out to someone but I worry it's not the best time, (Assuming it's not the middle of the night or something) I still want to do it. If we want to go out and do something special, even if it's in the middle of the week and we don't have a lot of free time, I still want to do it. If I recognize it's not an ideal night to stay up late, but I'm having a great conversation, I want to stay up and be a little sleep-deprived.
I want to stop worrying so much about perfection and circumstances, because more often than not, I end up missing out due to fear. I don't want to miss out on how amazing life can be, because it's too short as it is.
The bottom line is that when I'm able to fully let go of my fear of waiting for the perfect moment, I experience some of life's best blessings. And sometimes that "perfect moment" ends up happening in hindsight anyway.
Monday, August 21, 2017
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Choices & Change
I realize it's been a couple months since I've attempted to write, so I figured I was long overdue to share some thoughts. It's not that I haven't been keeping a memo of ideas I'd like to explore through writing, but I guess I often get stuck on my fears of not feeling like I am going to have something worthwhile to say. When I examine that idea further, I recognize that I honestly do believe everyone has thoughts that are "worthy" of sharing. Everyone has their own unique experiences and perspectives that can be thought-provoking or at the very least amusing. (As I recently discussed with Nathan and Brandon, anyone can be a Youtube star these days!)
I admit that I feel daunted by the thought of eloquently sharing a brand new idea. I certainly recognize that I am no expert when it comes to... well, anything really... but should that discount my attempts to write out my thoughts? Sometimes writing is therapeutic in a way that speaking is not. Plus, if I am genuinely interested in others' viewpoints and in them sharing their knowledge, does it matter if I want to explore a topic that has been "done before?" As long as I am exploring something or as long as someone else is helping me to see something from a new perspective, that feels like it's worth it in my mind. So if I am able to rationally dismiss the notion that my thoughts aren't worth sharing, what holds me back?
Fear of judgment, of course. Fear of not being a good writer or of not being able to express myself well. But again... rationally, I recognize that if I don't try, I'm never going to get better. Self-confidence has always been an area where I struggle, but I am working on that. If I allowed my fear of failure to stop me every time it tried to hold me back, I can only imagine how miserable I'd be.
So all excuses aside, I just don't make writing a priority.
It's funny how that happens, isn't it? We have the best intentions of doing something that we know will be good for us, but we just don't get around to it. To clarify, I recognize that life happens. There are many times when we do have plenty of legitimate commitments and obligations that keep us busy.
However, a good friend often reminds me that regardless of what life throws our way, ultimately we always choose how we spend our time. Yes, sometimes we need to prioritize paying bills or being there for others when they need us. But if we get so caught up in these things that we don't make time for what brings us joy, we often miss out on more of what feeds our souls.
It's challenging to say, "no." Especially for those of us who strive to prioritize others and to do as much as we can, it can feel incredibly awful to stand up for what we need. For me, I recognize that I often end up feeling exhausted and resentful when I don't make time for the things that help me recharge. And yet, my fear of letting others down often seems more powerful than my desire to take care of myself. But if I allow this thinking to take the reins, I end up losing sight of my greater purpose.
That's something I've really made strides with over the past couple years. (Thanks to Brandon and conversations with good friends, mostly.) I have learned that I can't pour from an empty cup. Yes, I want to be there for others and to go above and beyond when I can. But sometimes I have to prioritize my own self-care and to realize when I'm burning the candle at both ends. There are always going to be plenty of distractions and opportunities in our lives. How we prioritize them makes a bigger impact than we think. I have been trying to be honest with myself more lately. I want to examine whether or not how I am using my time is best for me. It's tough to remember to question this, but once I do, I tend to be able to recognize pretty quickly if what I'm doing is effecting me in a positive way or not.
So if I can see this so clearly, why do I continue to struggle with not always prioritizing what's best for me? Perhaps it's because I tend to be terrified of change. So much so, that even if I realize something will be better for me in the long run, I am petrified of taking the steps to get there. There is a comfort in the familiar, and sadly enough, so many of us get stuck experiencing the comfort of discontent and even pain at times. It sounds sick when you think about it, and it is. We become addicted to our negativity and disappointment with our choices because we've grown to expect it. And when we have low expectations, it's easier to not get hurt.
Our brains are wired to make connections and to continue making those connections until we upset the thought cycle on enough circumstances. With anxiety for instance, my mind has wired itself to think irrational and fearful thoughts in certain circumstances. The only way for me to stop the cycle is for me to continue challenging those thought patterns until my brain makes a new, healthier connection. But the process is time-consuming and admittedly exhausting.
Easy, right? ;) So there's the core issue. It takes so much energy and wisdom to continue challenging our negative thoughts and habits. It takes so much commitment and drive to make a new habit or thought reality.
But what's incredibly powerful to me is the notion that everything starts with one choice. One positive change can lead to the next. One positive thought can empower you to have the energy to make that first step.
So with that said, time to start making writing more of a priority. ;)
I admit that I feel daunted by the thought of eloquently sharing a brand new idea. I certainly recognize that I am no expert when it comes to... well, anything really... but should that discount my attempts to write out my thoughts? Sometimes writing is therapeutic in a way that speaking is not. Plus, if I am genuinely interested in others' viewpoints and in them sharing their knowledge, does it matter if I want to explore a topic that has been "done before?" As long as I am exploring something or as long as someone else is helping me to see something from a new perspective, that feels like it's worth it in my mind. So if I am able to rationally dismiss the notion that my thoughts aren't worth sharing, what holds me back?
Fear of judgment, of course. Fear of not being a good writer or of not being able to express myself well. But again... rationally, I recognize that if I don't try, I'm never going to get better. Self-confidence has always been an area where I struggle, but I am working on that. If I allowed my fear of failure to stop me every time it tried to hold me back, I can only imagine how miserable I'd be.
So all excuses aside, I just don't make writing a priority.
It's funny how that happens, isn't it? We have the best intentions of doing something that we know will be good for us, but we just don't get around to it. To clarify, I recognize that life happens. There are many times when we do have plenty of legitimate commitments and obligations that keep us busy.
However, a good friend often reminds me that regardless of what life throws our way, ultimately we always choose how we spend our time. Yes, sometimes we need to prioritize paying bills or being there for others when they need us. But if we get so caught up in these things that we don't make time for what brings us joy, we often miss out on more of what feeds our souls.
It's challenging to say, "no." Especially for those of us who strive to prioritize others and to do as much as we can, it can feel incredibly awful to stand up for what we need. For me, I recognize that I often end up feeling exhausted and resentful when I don't make time for the things that help me recharge. And yet, my fear of letting others down often seems more powerful than my desire to take care of myself. But if I allow this thinking to take the reins, I end up losing sight of my greater purpose.
That's something I've really made strides with over the past couple years. (Thanks to Brandon and conversations with good friends, mostly.) I have learned that I can't pour from an empty cup. Yes, I want to be there for others and to go above and beyond when I can. But sometimes I have to prioritize my own self-care and to realize when I'm burning the candle at both ends. There are always going to be plenty of distractions and opportunities in our lives. How we prioritize them makes a bigger impact than we think. I have been trying to be honest with myself more lately. I want to examine whether or not how I am using my time is best for me. It's tough to remember to question this, but once I do, I tend to be able to recognize pretty quickly if what I'm doing is effecting me in a positive way or not.
So if I can see this so clearly, why do I continue to struggle with not always prioritizing what's best for me? Perhaps it's because I tend to be terrified of change. So much so, that even if I realize something will be better for me in the long run, I am petrified of taking the steps to get there. There is a comfort in the familiar, and sadly enough, so many of us get stuck experiencing the comfort of discontent and even pain at times. It sounds sick when you think about it, and it is. We become addicted to our negativity and disappointment with our choices because we've grown to expect it. And when we have low expectations, it's easier to not get hurt.
Our brains are wired to make connections and to continue making those connections until we upset the thought cycle on enough circumstances. With anxiety for instance, my mind has wired itself to think irrational and fearful thoughts in certain circumstances. The only way for me to stop the cycle is for me to continue challenging those thought patterns until my brain makes a new, healthier connection. But the process is time-consuming and admittedly exhausting.
Easy, right? ;) So there's the core issue. It takes so much energy and wisdom to continue challenging our negative thoughts and habits. It takes so much commitment and drive to make a new habit or thought reality.
But what's incredibly powerful to me is the notion that everything starts with one choice. One positive change can lead to the next. One positive thought can empower you to have the energy to make that first step.
So with that said, time to start making writing more of a priority. ;)
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