Success

As my 10 year high school reunion approaches, I've been thinking more about success. Our culture would like us to think that we are only successful if we subscribe to a cookie cutter mold of what success looks like through a very specific lens. Stereotypically, we are shown that highly successful people have a high status job, a big income, a large home, the perfect family, an exciting social life, and no troubles at all. They're typically portrayed as extroverted, very intelligent, well-loved, and physically fit. Essentially, they "have it together" in all facets of their lives. Like I've previously admitted, I still find myself struggling to find "success" when I recognize that I don't fit this mold very well. 

I'm not where I thought I'd be professionally by this point. I'm not as adventurous and brave as I wish I was. I'm not confident and effortlessly social like some of the people I admire. I'm not as wise or smart as some of the awesome people in my life. We haven't started our family yet, which I now recognize is my ultimate life's goal. There's still so much I want to do, and to some degree, I am incomplete. I recognize that while I am very blessed, I am not "successful" in the way that many others are. 

But what if we rejected this stereotype of what success "should" look like and instead examined how success might look in our own lives? If we are able to honestly examine our values and goals, it becomes a lot easier to evaluate how "successful" we are in terms of how we are spending our time and working to honor these goals. But, you see, often "success" isn't able to be seen or measured in a way that most people expect. 

For a tangible example, when it comes to my personal health goals, I am proud of myself when I'm able to lift more weight than I could previously lift. This is something I can measure, and I can be proud because I can "prove" that I am lifting more than I could lift in the past. However, what's more important than the number on my dumbbells is the way I feel after I push myself harder than I pushed myself yesterday. The way I am empowered and proud after a particularly challenging workout means so much more to me than how much weight I lifted. Often times I most feel my progress in terms of being able to master a move that I once wasn't originally able to manage. I feel my growth and progress. But to anyone else watching me, they wouldn't see all the practice and determination that got me to that point. I can't "prove" how far I've come.

Similarly, when I practice mindfulness, I can't exactly measure how mindful I am. It's not a competition, and it's not about "getting better." So I do my best to not try to be perfect with mindfulness practice. There's no way to prove that my mindfulness has an impact on me. It doesn't produce any tangible results. But I know when a meditation has helped to keep my anxiety at bay, and to me, it is successful if I am able to feel a little more in control of my thoughts that day.  

Most of my "successes" can't be flaunted. They consist of something more abstract than a flashy car or a number of friends on social media. Success is a feeling of knowing that I have worked hard for something I value or something that's important to me. Prioritizing my friends and then having a meaningful conversation with them is success. Wanting to be vulnerable and sharing my true self is success. Giving it my all at work and being present in everything I do is success. Keeping our commitments to volunteering or participating in choir even when I'm exhausted is success. Making an effort to try something new even when I'm scared is success. Being a better person is success. 

Perhaps we are successful when we are able to reach our highest level in the Hierarchy of Needs and begin to focus on self-actualization. When we are able to prioritize our best selves, we can find the greatest level of fulfillment. 

To me, success is progress. It is achieving something that I wasn't sure if I could accomplish. It is pushing myself, even when I'm doubting myself. It is fighting the demons in my mind and overcoming my fears. 

It is learning. It is growing. It is change. 

Sometimes, success is simply not giving up. It's that tiny feeling of accomplishment when I know that I'm learning how to cope a little bit better than I was coping yesterday.

It's only when I stop worrying about "checking off the boxes" of these expectations of what makes me successful that I realize I've come pretty far. Besides, I have a difficult time believing that most people who are traditionally successful are actually that happy. Life isn't perfect, and there's always going to be something to overcome. 

With all that said, as long as you're striving to keep your values, goals, and true self in sight, I'd say you're pretty successful in my book.