If Not Now, When?

This may be another obvious reflection, but I am pushing myself to stop worrying so much about that. I am writing this primarily for my own self-processing. And besides, you never know when someone may need to be reminded of a powerful truth, simple though it may be. ;)

Sometimes when I'm making big (or often small) decisions, my anxious thoughts tend to attach themselves to an insatiable desire to find the perfect timing, or the perfect circumstances, or sometimes the perfect sign from God. And while it would be very comforting to have total confidence every time I made a decision, I am realizing more and more how this mentality can stop me from fully living.

That sounds dramatic, I realize. But how many of us are paralyzed because we are waiting on the right timing or circumstances? "I'll go back to school when I have more time." "I'll try that new hobby when I have more money or freedom." "I'll take that trip when I have my dream job."  "I'll tell him how I feel when I know he likes me." "I'll be happy with myself when I have the perfect boyfriend, job, house, etc." We're so obsessed with perfection or ideal circumstances that we continue to neglect pursuing something that would bring our lives so much joy.

We all fall into this trap at times. We're so consumed by meeting certain goals before pursuing something else that may make us happy... and then we lose sight of the fact that happiness is a journey.

We are each a work in progress, and we'll never be fully "complete" in this life. Allowing our goals to inspire us is wonderful. But we will and should always have goals. If we're waiting for some perfect end game before we take action, we will never seize opportunities that are right in front of us. We will miss out on the growth and joy that could be occurring right here and now.

In my own life, I recognize that I very frequently don't do something because it doesn't feel like the timing is ideal. I get caught up in my feelings of doubt and fear of breaking outside how I think something should be. I analyze and wonder and predict when the "best" circumstances will be. But the truth is, those obvious "best circumstances" very rarely happen. And that's because life is way messier and less predictable than my obsessive mind wishes it was. ;)

For me, it all goes back to my previous post about change and priorities. I want to stop allowing myself to be petrified by the idea of waiting for the perfect moment, especially when I'm using that was an excuse to not take chances. And even in my every day life, I want to be more bold when it comes to taking small risks, even when it comes to the little things.  If I feel like reaching out to someone but I worry it's not the best time,  (Assuming it's not the middle of the night or something) I still want to do it. If we want to go out and do something special, even if it's in the middle of the week and we don't have a lot of free time, I still want to do it. If I recognize it's not an ideal night to stay up late, but I'm having a great conversation, I want to stay up and be a little sleep-deprived.

I want to stop worrying so much about perfection and circumstances, because more often than not, I end up missing out due to fear. I don't want to miss out on how amazing life can be, because it's too short as it is.

The bottom line is that when I'm able to fully let go of my fear of waiting for the perfect moment, I  experience some of life's best blessings. And sometimes that "perfect moment" ends up happening in hindsight anyway.